[time-nuts] A Visit from St. Nicholas for Intellectuals Pursuing Interests in Horology
Doug Millar
dougnhelen at moonlink.net
Sun Dec 24 01:06:44 EST 2006
An exceptional reiteration.
"Si hoc legere scis nimium eruditionis habes"
Doug
(Graduate of the 23rd grade)
At 09:31 PM 12/23/2006, Tom Clark, K3IO wrote:
> · A VISIT FROM ST. NICHOLAS
> FOR READERS IN THEIR 23RD
> YEAR OF SCHOOLING
>
> 'Twas the nocturnal segment of the diurnal period preceding the annual
> yuletide celebration, and throughout our place of residence, kinetic
> activity was not in evidence among the possessors of this potential,
> including that species of domestic rodent known as Mus musculus.
> Hosiery was meticulously suspended from the forward edge of the
> wood-burning caloric apparatus, pursuant to our anticipatory pleasure
> regarding an imminent visitation from an eccentric philanthropist
> among whose folkloric appellations is the honorific title of St.
> Nicholas.
> The prepubescent siblings, comfortably ensconced in their respective
> accommodations of repose, were experiencing various subconscious
> visual hallucinations of variegated fruit confections moving
> rhythmically through their cerebra. My conjugal partner and I, attired
> in our nocturnal cranial coverings, were about to take slumbrous
> advantage of the hibernal darkness when upon the avenaceous exterior
> portion of the grounds there ascended such a cacophony of dissonance
> that I felt compelled to arise with alacrity from my place of repose
> for the purpose of ascertaining the precise source thereof.
> Hastening to the casement, I forthwith opened the barriers sealing the
> fenestration, noting thereupon that the lunar brilliance without,
> reflected as it was on the surface of a recent crystalline aqueous
> precipitation, might be said to rival that of the solar meridian
> itself -- thus permitting my incredulous optical sensor to peruse a
> miniature airborne runnered
> conveyance drawn by an octet of diminutive specimens of the genus
> Rangifer, piloted by a minuscule, aged chauffeur so ebullient and
> nimble that it became instantly apparent to me that he was indeed our
> anticipated caller. With his undulate motive power traveling at what
> may possibly have been more vertiginous velocity than patriotic alar
> predators, he vociferated loudly, expelled breath musically through
> contracted labia, and addressed
> each of the octet by his or her respective cognomen ... "Now Dasher,
> now Dancer ..." et al. -- guiding them to the uppermost exterior level
> of our abode, through which structure I could readily distinguish the
> concatenations of each of the 32 cloven pedal extremities.
> As I retracted my cranium from its erstwhile location, and was
> performing a 180-degree pivot, our distinguished visitant achieved --
> with utmost celerity and via a downward leap -- entry by way of the
> smoke passage. He was clad entirely in animal pelts soiled by the ebon
> residue from the oxidations of carboniferous fuels which had
> accumulated on the walls thereof. His resemblance to a street vendor I
> attributed largely to the plethora of
> assorted playthings which he bore dorsally in a commodious cloth
> receptacle.
> His orbs were scintillant with reflected luminosity, while his
> submaxillary dermal indentations gave every evidence of engaging
> amiability. The capillaries of his molar regions and nasal
> appurtenance were engorged with blood which suffused the subcutaneous
> layers, the former approximating the coloration of Albion's floral
> emblem, the latter that of the Prunus avium, or sweet cherry. His
> amusing sub- and supra-labials resembled nothing so much as a common
> loop knot, and their ambient hirsute facial adornment appeared like
> small, tabular and columnar crystals of frozen water.
> Clenched firmly between his incisors was a smoking piece whose gray
> fumes, forming a tenuous ellipse about his occiput, were suggestive of
> a decorative seasonal circlet of holly. His visage was wider than it
> was high, and when he waxed audibly mirthful, his corpulent abdominal
> region undulated in the manner of impectinated fruit syrup in a
> hemispherical container.
> Without utterance and with dispatch, he commenced filling the
> aforementioned hosiery with articles of merchandise extracted from his
> aforementioned previously dorsally transported cloth receptacle. Upon
> completion of this task, he executed an abrupt about-face, placed a
> single manual digit in lateral juxtaposition to his olfactory organ,
> inclined his cranium forward in a gesture of leave-taking, and
> forthwith affected his egress by renegotiating (in reverse) the smoke
> passage. He then propelled himself in a short vector onto his
> conveyance, directed a musical expulsion of air through his contracted
> oral sphincter to the antlered quadrupeds of burden, and proceeded to
> soar aloft in a movement hitherto observable chiefly among the
> seed-bearing portions of a common weed. But I overheard his parting
> exclamation, audible immediately prior to his vehiculation beyond the
> limits of visibility:
>
> "Ecstatic yuletides to the planetary constituence, and to that
> self-same assemblage my sincerest wishes for a salubriously beneficial
> and gratifyingly pleasurable period between sunset and dawn."
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